why are we pretending this is nothing?
by not.so.tragically
Summary: \\like, if you had the chance to turn back the clock, would you be able to say that you wouldn't change a thing
_"I'd tell you I miss you, but I don't know how; I've never heard silence quite this loud."_

* * *

"You rang?" Mona's black canvas bag is slung over her right shoulder and on the other is a pink floral purse. Hanna takes in her whole appearance before stepping aside to let her in Lucas' apartment.

"I need your help." Hanna's straight to the point, though her heart's beating a hundred miles a minute.

Mona pulls multiple laptops out of her canvas bag and sets them on the dining table. "I gathered that much. You never call me." The words are followed by a light chuckle, but Hanna can still hear the hurt underneath.

"It's really important, Mo. This needs to happen now, before it's too late." Hanna pads over to Mona, taking a seat next to her at the table. She opens two laptops in front of her, before tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"Wow."

"What?" Hanna begins unlocking the laptops as Mona does the same, the two working in synch.

Shaking her head, Mona replies. "You haven't called me Mo since high school." Hanna exhales slowly while Mona continues typing quickly on her computer. "I almost forgot you were talking to me." Her eyes never leave the computer screen as she's speaking.

Hanna begins unlocking the third laptop on her right. She slipped up like that often. It was no secret that her and Mona were best friends in high school, even outside of the school's fierce eye.

The 'Ali Bootcamp' had done wonders for her and Mona, yet she was often reminded of the Mona that still sat beneath the surface of red lipstick and layers of concealer. The Mona who could read for hours on end and never get up to pee, the one that laughed almost as much as she breathed.

Their friendship seemed entirely superficial to anyone on the outside, only, it wasn't. Loser Mona and Hefty Hanna were like sisters, they shared clothes and secrets, they were closer than Hanna had been with a lot of people in her life.

Mona told Hanna why her parents got divorced. It wasn't because of his new wife, Erin, it was because of Alyssa, and then Juna, and Yasmine, and all the women before her. She told her about the custody battle that ensued, going on for almost a year, how it nearly drained her mother of every penny. She made Hanna understand why she loved her mother more than anyone else in the world.

"Nobody's here, Mona." Hanna reminded her. "Please don't do that."

"Sorry, Han. Force of habit." After everything's been unlocked and turned on, Mona speaks again. "What are we doing?"

Sighing, Hanna pulls her phone out of the pocket of her sweatpants. "This person, 'A', 'B', whoever, has a video of me talking to my mom. And, I have to do everything this _bitch_ asks me to, Mona. If I don't publish this, she's going to send the video to him, to my friends, to everyone with a smart phone, probably."

"And I'm guessing this conversation between you and mom is not about the floral arrangement?" Hanna hands Mona her phone, the video of her and mother on the back porch playing. Mona's face changes to slight distress as the entire thing plays and as it finishes she looks back to Hanna. "Oh my goodness, Han."

Shaking her head, she takes her phone back and returns to the computer. "Do you understand why we have to do this?"

"Yeah, I understand Hanna. So what's the plan?" Mona begins typing furiously logging in to as many programs as she can and gestures for Hanna to do the same.

"Well, whoever this is must know about the two summers we spent together."

In the 5 years since the Liars had been apart, Mona had seen Hanna twice. On both of these occasions, Hanna desperately needed her help, and on both of these occasions, Mona came through for her. It was while after her and Caleb had broken up, and she was in serious hot water with her boss.

If Mona hadn't come through for her, she would've been out of a job and on the street. Mona had hacked in, sent the fabric Hanna needed and reorganized the technical components of the show, totally saving Hanna's ass. Both times, Mona showed Hanna a great deal about hacking. Enough for Hanna to break into the knowledge whenever she needed to.

This wasn't beyond Hanna's scope, however, she didn't have the resources to do what she wanted, and even if she did, she would still want Mona's help.

"The second I get this email, we're going to do what we did in Manhattan, okay?"

"You sure, Han?"

"This way, the least amount of people get hurt."

With a nod of her head, Hanna and Mona got to work.

* * *

"You're going to do it, Hanna?" Aria asked as a stunned Spencer paces around the room. Emily sits on the couch, pulling up threads, and Caleb stands in the kitchen watching Hanna and Mona.

"Didn't I just tell you what I was going to do?" Hanna retorts, annoyed. Her hair sits in a messy bun on her head and her sleeves are shoved up to her elbows. Mona's hair is styled in a similar fashion, with her grey blazer hanging on the back of her chair, and her heels are kicked off. Both girls are in full hacking mode.

"I can't believe this bitch would do this." Emily spits in disgust at the situation. Unlike, Spencer, and Caleb, she is the only person besides Aria and Mona who know why Hanna is taking this extremely seriously.

The computer in front of Hanna dings twice and she smirks in slight triumph. "I'm in Mona."

"I'm right behind you." The brunette chimes back, turning to the computer on her right typing quickly until it dings like Hanna's had.

The other girls and Caleb watch in complete confusion as the two girls work in unison, turning and typing at the computers around them. Spencer mouths to Caleb, asking him if he taught Hanna how to hack, and when he shakes his head no, she raises her eyebrows in awe.

"This feels like high school all over again." Spencer sighs, falling on to a chair, dropping her head in her hands. "Why can't we ever get away from this?" Peeking back at Hanna who's chewing at her bottom lip, she sees the blonde is as stressed as she is. "This Manhattan back hack trick thing, will it work?"

Hanna's manicured fingers don't stop clacking at the keys as she speaks. "It always has." This statement puts the rest of the room in further shock, wondering when she's done this before. "I've never done it in such little time, and it will work."

Caleb comes from behind the kitchen counter, to stand next to Spencer and softly pat her shoulders. This action is not lost on Hanna and it causes her to freeze momentarily. Her fingers hover shakily over the keyboard until Mona softly nudges her foot with her own and nods at the computer screens. Forcing herself past the moment, she resumes her work. Rolling her neck, she focuses entirely on the task at hand.

"It's supposed to come in exactly 97 seconds Mona, are you ready?" She asks her friend, slowing down the pace of her fingers.

Mona nods, "Yeah."

"This has to be quick, faster than we've ever done, if it's going to work." Hanna's voice is strained with urgency. Mona only dips her head a little and sustains her fast rate. "What we'll have to do is go straight up the middle instead of around corners, that means mainframe first then..."

Everyone else in the room listens in astonishment as Hanna begins speaking in deep code, while Mona nods and replies back in the same manner. Knowing that they've done this before is reassuring and unsettling for everyone in the room, especially her closest friends. They've never seen this side of Hanna and to call it shocking would be a major understatement.

"27 seconds." Hanna informs, recommencing the frantic typing.

The entire room is silent.

"17 seconds." Mona blows a hair from her eyes and hold her fingers over the keyboard.

Aria wrings her hands and Emily chews on her tongue.

"7, 6, 5, 4,"

Spencer bites her bottom lip and Caleb holds his breath.

"3, 2, 1."

The computer on Hanna's right pings and she turns her head and begins working quickly. Only Hanna and Mona speak, and that's in choppy, broken sentences that only they seem to understand.

"It's an IE." Mona calls out, sending Hanna's left hand to the middle computer.

"I found the LR." Hanna returns, eyes flicking across the screen, codes reflecting in them.

Sitting up straight Mona's voice takes a higher pitch. "I'm in the PG, it's 23-34, you ready? There's only one shot."

Hanna cracks her knuckles and waits. "Go."

For a moment, seconds feel like minutes as Hanna's fingers dance quickly and skillfully over the keys. Mona's hand follow in a similar speed and she glances between the three screens in front of her multiple times.

Hanna's typing slows to a stop and Mona's does the same, rolling her tongue slowly, she presses the delete key and waits.

* * *

Her blood feels like fire beneath her skin even though it's already been 15 minutes. She takes a drink of the ice cold water, finally allowing herself to relax for the first time in hours. The morning's been long and tiring, and for a few seconds it seemed like it had all gone to waste. So, when the screen turned black, she realized that they had won. Today, at least.

"Thank you so much Hanna." Spencer pulls her into a bone crushing hug for the second time that morning. Hanna gives her a small smile, nodding again. As she released her, she turned to Mona. "Thank you too Mona, I know I've been, well, horrible, but thank you for doing this for me."

"I did it for Hanna." Mona replies as she packs away the last of her computers in the black canvas bag she entered with. Her voice is raw and laced with indignation. Slinging her bag over her shoulder, she faces her friend once more. "I'd do anything for Hanna." She walks over and grabs Hanna's hand giving it a quick squeeze, before walking to the door.

"Mona?" Hanna follows her to the front door. "I just wanted you to know, whenever I end up having a wedding, I would really like you to be there.."

The brunette breaks out in large grin and blows a kiss, leaving a lavender scent in her wake.

Shutting the door behind Mona, Hanna leans back against the door. She has barely spoken to any of her friends all morning, and she's too nervous to speak now. Emily rises from her place on the couch, stretching her arms.

"Well, I think I'm going to get us some breakfast, wanna come Spence?" Emily makes a pointed face at Aria, who catches on quickly.

Aria jumps to her feet, following Emily's lead. "Yeah, come on, let's go get Han breakfast Spence." Seeing Hanna's tired expression, Spencer nods in agreement.

"Alright, Caleb are you coming?" She asks, glancing back towards Caleb, who shakes his head slowly. "We'll back soon." Hanna slides away from the door, allowing the girls to leave.

Sinking down on the couch, it takes her a minute to realize that she's left alone with Caleb. If she wasn't so exhausted, she would've made excuse to get up and leave. Now, he takes a seat in the chair across from her and eyes her carefully.

Watching him with a weary expression, she finally speaks to him. "What?"

"Nothing," He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "It's just...when did you learn to do that?"

"Do what?" Raising his eyebrows, he inclines his head towards the dining table. "That? Mona. She, um, she taught me a few things."

She does everything she can to avoid his face as she speaks, afraid he'll understand her motive if he sees her face. "So, why'd you do it? I mean, I know it was for Spencer and the girls and everything, but I also know there's something more."

Hanna doesn't respond, so he keeps talking. "I know it was enough for you to want to eliminate the threat entirely, so it had something to do with you or your mom, right?" When she doesn't answer him, he gets frustrated. "Hanna, tell me. You know you can tell me."

"Actually, Caleb," Her voice takes a sharper tone now. "I really can't tell you, that's why I did this." Scoffing, she pushes herself up, and walks to the kitchen.

But, he follows her, and stands on the other side of the island. "Why? Why can't you tell me? I already know about whoever this person is, trying to make you guys turn on each other again. Why can't I know?" Still, she's silent. "Is it-is it about Spencer and I? Because you said it was okay."

"Yes, Caleb! That is exactly it! Right on the nose, I told you it was okay, and that I was fine with and I lied. And this _bitch_ was going to show everyone that I lied." Pulling her phone out of her pocket, she opens up the video of her and her mom.

* * *

 _"Hey, what are you doing out here?" Ashley asks Hanna, who's sitting on their back porch, staring at the stars._

 _"Just thinking." She replies absently._

 _Taking a seat next to her, Ashley sighs and continues. "About?"_

 _"Stuff."_

 _"What stuff?"_ _Hanna doesn't answer and Ashley takes Hanna's hand in her own. "What stuff, Han?"_

 _"Do you ever wonder if you've made the right choice?" She finally asks, looking at her mom. "Like, if you had the chance to turn back the clock, would you be able to say that you wouldn't change a thing?"_

 _"Okay," Ashley breathes. "So, we're either talking about shoes or love. And you love the white pumps you bought this morning, so we're probably talking about love."_

 _"I-I think_ —I know— _I'm still in love with Caleb." Hanna blurts out, eyes brimming with tears. "At first, I thought maybe I was just jealous, you know? Seeing him with Spencer and all, or that I just care for him. But, I'm not. I love him so much, too much. I shouldn't even be thinking about him like this, I mean, I'm engaged for God's sake. When I see him, mom, it's like my heart clenches in my chest and it's just so weird."_

 _"When Jordan looks at me, I know he's looking at me, but when Caleb looks at me, even now, I know he's seeing **me.** Not just the me that's graduated high school and college, and is working to get what she wants, but the one that went through hell in high school, and tore apart her own room."_

 _Shaking her head, she pulls at her sleeves. "And, it really sucks seeing him with someone else, because I thought we'd be together forever. Yeah, maybe those were stupid high school dreams, still, I really did think we'd end up together. Even when we weren't together, when we broke up and he left, and I pushed him away, even during all of that, I thought we'd still end up together, because somehow we always find our way back to each other. I just-I don't even know what to do."_

 _Pulling her daughter into a tight hug, Ashley sighs. "Hanna, I wish I could tell you what to do, but I can't. This is up to you." Pulling back, she tucks hairs behind her ear. "I can't tell you to choose one or the other, I can tell you that you are a strong, independent woman. And you've been through a lot. And you will make the right decision. And you love Jordan, right?"_

 _"Yeah, I mean, of course, I care about him a lot, and he's so sweet, and supportive, and everything I dreamed of when I was little."_

 _"But, you aren't little anymore Han. You're grown up now, and you have to make a grown up decision."_

 _Sniffling, Hanna wipes at her eyes. "How? What-How am I supposed to make a choice like this? I see myself with Jordan, and I see myself with Caleb."_

 _"Well, maybe you're looking at it all wrong then." Ashley says._

 _Hanna's face wrinkles in confusion. "What do you mean?"_

 _"Sometimes, it's not going to be about who you can see yourself with, it might be about who you can't see yourself without." Ashley gives her hands a squeeze before returning inside."_

* * *

Caleb looks up from her phone, into Hanna's guarded eyes. "Whoever this is would've sent it to Jordan, to you, to everyone I know. That's why I didn't ask for your help. But, damn it, you insist on knowing every single thing there is to know Caleb! And now you do! This is exactly what I wanted to avoid—telling you about this at all. Hell, I don't know why I had that damn conversation, there's no decision to make. You love Spencer and she loves you and that's the end of it." Turning back to face the cupboards, Hanna refused to let herself cry in front of him.

"You love me?"

Releasing a shuddering breath Hanna whispered, "Yeah."

"Still?"

"Yeah."

"Hanna, I—" Caleb's cut off by the rest of the girls coming back inside with food.

Emily's holding coffees in one hand and bagels in the other. "We have blueberry bagels, I think the croissants might be stale but that's okay, because we got two of the coffees for free." Bringing her eye's to Caleb's unsettled ones, and Hanna's minutely shuddering form. She guesses that whatever happened between them, probably wasn't the best.

Yet Hanna pivots to face her friends, she has a fake grin plastered on her face. "Finally, I'm starving!" She strides over, her face superficially bright. Her eyes are tinged pink, and the edges of her hands are wet.

Yet, the only people who seem to notice are Caleb and Emily. The latter sets the bag and coffee on the table, and takes a seat next Hanna.

"Are you alright?" She whispers, setting a hand on Hanna's shoulder.

Hanna nods enthusiastically, "I'm fine."

Of course, it's obvious to Emily that she's not fine. And if Hanna's tone wasn't clipped and dismissive, she would've pressed the issue. "Okay." Caleb comes over, taking a seat next to Spencer on the couch.

The conversation, despite the previous victory, is heavy and each word is laced with worry and despondence.

"Guys," Aria says, leaning back in her chair. "This is happening again. We're back in town, and it's back to same old tricks. Breaking into rooms," she gives a nod to Spencer, who turns her face away.

"Hiding and lying to our parents and the police, hacking into stuff. We're being threatened for information that we don't know. We were almost killed multiple times because we didn't know Alison decided that she'd walk out of her own funeral, and now _two_ people are after us. One, thinks we know who threw Charlotte off that bell tower and the other, doesn't want us to know. It's never going to end, will it?"

Everyone in the room is silent.

"It'll never matter how far we go. We started our lives lying to everyone we know, and we'll end them lying to everyone we know. You can take the Liars out of Rosewood, but Rosewood will always yank them back." Hanna mutters. The phrase isn't exactly spot on, but nobody disagrees with the statement.

Groaning in frustration, Spencer leans against Caleb, and Hanna stiffens for a few seconds. This time, Caleb sees it clearly. "How are we supposed to get away from here? It's like we're cursed or something." Spencer groans.

Finally, Emily says what everyone is thinking. "Every time we lie for Alison, it gets us thrown into the furnace."

"And we're burned and she comes out nearly unscathed." Spencer adds.

Emily takes a slow hand through her hair, and rests her head on Hanna's shoulder. "I wish we would've just told them the truth." Hanna leans and tilts her head against Emily. "We should've just told the judge that we were still scared."

"I feel like I'm 17 again," Hanna begins, staring off blankly. "'One more lie.' That's all I thought it 'One more lie for Alison and then we all can go home and forget this whole thing.' It's always one more lie for Alison."

Aria shakes her head. "One more lie for Alison turns into four more, to save our own skin, and then eight more, to save each others skin."

The air is thick and gloomy, and the Liars have seemingly thrown in the towel.

"We have to figure this out guys," Spencer concludes, pulling herself away from Caleb. "We're older now, we're smarter and stronger. I mean, we've been through too much to just not fight back." She begins rallying them up, like a team before a big game.

Caleb, who's been silent, until this point, speaks up. "Spencer's right. You guys have survived years of 'A' and Wilden and Jenna, we can do something about this."

Spencer continues. "We're grown ups now. I refused to pushed around by some nameless, faceless person. _Again._ I mean, Hanna," she turns to the aforementioned blonde. "You can _hack_. Don't you think you and Caleb can work together to find out where these texts are coming from?"

Hanna flinches slightly at the mention of working with Caleb, but before she can respond, he does. "We can. We're going to find out who's doing this and who killed Charlotte." He glances back down at her, then at Emily, who wears a reluctant face. "We'll be able to do this."

* * *

For the next few weeks, Hanna works with Caleb in near silence. She only spoke to him when it was absolutely necessary. Facing the backlash of what she did was difficult, for her, the people she loved, and the other girls, yet the new texts opened doors for them to figure out where they were coming from.

Still, outside of the texts, the Aria and Emily could see the strains in other places. Spencer and Caleb began to grow distant, and it was easy to see to everyone. He stopped touching her as often, and she no longer leaned into his touch when he did. Originally, it looked like it was for Hanna's sake, so when they were sitting on opposite ends of the couch in the Brew, sans Hanna, they knew what was happening.

"Spencer, can we talk?" Caleb asks one night after they've barely spoken the whole walk to her house.

"Okay." She sighs, burying her hands in her pockets.

 _Take it slow, Caleb. No, go fast, like ripping off a band-aid._

"Listen, Spencer," He starts, and he knows this will crash and burn and she'll cry and maybe slap him. "You're amazing—"

She interjects quickly. "But, you're still in love with Hanna."

The interruption catches him off guard and his face is doused in shock. "You knew?"

"Yeah, of course. At first, not really, then these last few days, it's written all over your face when she walks in the room. Even when she's not talking, you're already focused on her."

He winces when he realizes how obvious it was. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologize Caleb. Hanna's a tough girl to get over, I'd be surprised if you weren't still in love with her." Spencer laughs lightly, and her face isn't hurt or pained, it's passive. "Caleb, please go get her, go tell her. Even if she ends up totally hating you, you have to tell her."

Aside from the fact that she knew he was still in love with Hanna, she was now encouraging him to go to her. It takes him a beat to catch up with her, and when he finally does, he smiles gratefully.

"Thank you." With that, he's bounding down the road, running to Lucas' apartment.

And he's out of breath when he finally reaches the door, still, he knocks hard. She answers with a scared expression, concern written on every inch of her clear face. "Caleb? What happened? Are you okay?" She pulls him inside and locks the door behind her.

Hanna gives him time to catch his breath, before questioning him again. "Hanna, I ran all the way here from Spencer's house."

"Why?"

"Because I love you."

It's not perfect, and it's not practiced. It's not romantic, like what she deserves, or slow, like what she needs. It's rushed and quick, it tumbles out in one puff of air, and _he_ almost doesn't understand what he says. But, she heard him. She's able to decipher it and it causes a huge pang in her heart.

"Oh."

"Yeah, I love you, Hanna. And it's weird because I don't think I've ever stopped loving you." Hanna turns away, walking over to the huge windows.

"Spencer—"

"Knows that I'm in love with you." He says, coming up behind her. "Hanna, I understand if you don't want to do this again. But, you need to realize that I will never be able to love anybody the way that I love you."

This finally sets a tornado of words, tumbling out of her mouth. "Well, ditto! That's why I had to drive to New York, and tell my ex-fiancee, that I can't marry him! I had to tell him that I love him, but I don't think that I should be marrying him when I'm in love with someone else." She huffs, turning to him. Her expression softens, as he takes a slow hands across her cheek. "I believe that no matter how far we run from each other, we'll always come back. I believe that we're written in the damn stars. Fate, destiny, whatever this is, it has us ending up together no matter what."

He slides an arm around her waist, smiling down at the blonde. "I don't care what it's called." She wraps her arms around his neck, a simple move that makes him feel at home. Her fingers thread through the hairs at the nape of his neck, and he cups her cheeks this time. "I love you."

"More." Hanna whispers before pressing her lips against his. Caleb smiles, nipping at her bottom lip and pulling her even closer.

There's no loose ends this time. No lingering fiancees, or waiting girlfriends, everything is all patched up. In the back of their minds, they know someone is still out to get her and the girls, but there's time to worry tomorrow. All she knows is that she missed how his lips feel on hers, and he missed her bright eyes early in the mornings. It'll never be perfect, because neither of them are, but whatever it is that keeps pushing them back together, they'll stop fighting it.

* * *

 **Oh, wow.**

 **I don't even know where that came from.**

 **This whole story was kind of total trash, it was word vomit at best.**

 **But, I couldn't drop the idea of Hanna being a little hacker, and Hacker Haleb would be so cute!**

 **I guess they were kinda OOC, and nobody will ever have a resolution this easy, but they did.**

 **This is set any period after Spencer and Caleb get together, but before this week's episode, because I haven't watched it yet.**

 **Also, when Hanna says, "More." at the end, it's not a typo or anything, it's like an addition to what Caleb said.**

 **Lmao, okay. Review!**

 ** _xoxo, - Minnie_.**


End file.
